Who is your check-in person? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
I’ve read about it for years and even written about it: As we get older, social isolation and loneliness tend to increase.
However, it wasn’t until recently that I realized it had been happening in my own life. I don’t know about you, but my social circle has definitely gotten smaller over the years. I work from home. Some days, I realize I haven’t spoken to another adult for hours (sometimes not at all). And I’m not just talking about in person. I mean phone calls, texts, all of it. A lot of the time, it’s just me, my computer and whatever’s happening during my workday. Yikes!
It just so happens that around that time, a social media trend emerged in which men would randomly call their male friends to tell them goodnight. Kind of like tucking them in. Many men thought something was wrong and asked the caller, “You good?” or “What happened?” After the confusion and concern, though, an unexpected softness showed up in the calls. The recipients were surprised and appreciated the gesture. Although the goodnight call was meant to be humorous, it revealed that many of us are missing and craving connection.
I took that and my recent realization as a huge wake-up call that I need to start checking in on people (and hopefully be checked on) more often.
An “epidemic of loneliness”
Nowadays, people are less socially connected than they were in the past. In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General even released an advisory that said the disconnection can be just as bad for health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Chronic isolation can increase the risk for depression, anxiety, memory issues, heart disease, a weaker immune system and even a shorter lifespan.
Social connection does the opposite. It can reduce stress, improve health and possibly lead to a longer life, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
“I love Libianca’s song ‘People (Check on Me)’ because checking in on someone is important,” says Shuntai Allen-Bey, a licensed professional counselor who serves Michigan and several other states. “Life shifts daily, and you never know what someone is dealing with,” she says. “Checking in on someone reminds them they aren’t alone or invisible and that there’s someone out there interested in them.”
Allen-Bey also points out that, “Just telling someone ‘You crossed my mind today’ shows that they matter to you, which strengthens relationships. And it’s a two-way street because when you check in on someone, they may come around and check in on you.”
Doing something different
I decided to try daily check-ins myself. I’ll be honest. I felt weird about it at first. I worried I would be bugging people and getting on their nerves. To play it safe, I started with my sister. We don’t usually talk on the phone much. Most of our communication is through quick texts and social media tags. But one evening, I switched it up and made the call. I said, “Hey, just checking in on you.” I could tell she was bracing for bad news, so I quickly reassured her everything was okay. She let out a huge sigh of relief. Then we laughed and we chatted for about 10 minutes.
I called her again the next couple of days. The night after that, she made the call. And just like that, it became our thing.
I think having a set time to touch base helped us stay consistent. Right before bedtime works best for our schedules. That little catch-up time gives us something simple to look forward to at the end of the day.
Some nights, it’s a quick phone call, text, voice note or email to say “sweet dreams,” “Guess what happened today,” or “Hey, I’m still here.” At other times, one of us needs to talk, get advice, or vent. So, things might be light and goofy or get way deep. Either way, we make that connection.
Since checking in with my sister was going well, I tried it with two other people. By day three, a family friend made it seem like I was bothering her, so I stopped. I felt some type of way for a while, but now I get it. Daily interactions don’t work for everybody. Another friend was confused at first. After I explained what I was trying to do, she was with it. We miss a day here and there, but we talk to each other several times a week.
Allen-Bey agrees that check-ins don’t have to be every day. “If you feel like you have to do it daily, it becomes just another task or chore,” she explains. What’s most important is that “it is at least consistent and comes from a place of authenticity,” she says. In other words: do what works for you and your people.
That got me thinking about what check-ins look like for others. One of my cousins (she’s in her mid-50s) has a group chat with some friends and coworkers. She says most days around lunchtime, someone shares a funny meme or video to try to make everyone laugh so they can push through their workday. I’ve also heard about how some folks in the 90+ club call each other every day to make sure the other person is still hanging in there.
A tiny habit with big results
For my sister and me, doing our check-ins in our own way really helped. It made it feel like something we truly wanted to do, not just another thing on the to-do list. I’m glad we did. The daily check-ins have brought us closer than we’ve been for a long while. We’ve both shared how great it is to feel “seen,” to know you matter enough to someone that they check on you every day. Now, we talk more often and have been going out of our way to get together in person for “just because” occasions.
If I’d known before, I would’ve started this habit much sooner — and with more people. Who knew such a small gesture could snowball into so much more? If you don’t already check in regularly with one or more people, I strongly encourage you to do so.
Quick, fun and easy ways to check in
It doesn’t have to be a long phone call. Try one (or all) of these:
- Text a daily photo (a selfie, your outfit, an adorable animal, whatever).
- Send a short voice note with a “this made me think of you” message.
- Take turns sending a word of the day and how you plan to apply it.
- Share your Wordle or Connections score.
- Send a nightly emoji to sum up your day.
- Share a screenshot of a dish that made you drool that week (bonus points if you cooked it).
- Start a “question of the week” thing for everyone in the family group chat to answer.
- Create a collaborative playlist and add one song that fits your mood or day.
Who is your check-in person? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
