illustration of black couple sleeping
Nicole Miles
Nicole Miles
We Time

25 Signs the Honeymoon Is Over

Has your longtime love gone from torrid to tepid? Here’s how to tell — and 10 ways to heat things up again.

My husband and I have been married for 11 years and we dated for nearly 10 years before we tied the knot. We share similar tastes in music, meals and movies, and we still crack each other up. But somewhere around the five-year mark, the new car scent started to wear off. And by the time I reached to scratch the seven-year itch, it was clear to me that the honeymoon phase was over. How did I know?
1. We both fawn over and kiss our cat more than we do each other.
2. I feel completely comfortable having a conversation or argument with my hubby while I’m wearing a mud masque and head scarf.
3. Date night is usually dinner at home, Netflix and chill and sleep by 10 p.m.
4. My idea of spicing things up in the bedroom is buying a new queen sheet set.
5. His idea of spicing things up in the bedroom is sleeping on my side of the bed.

Sisters, how about you? If you’re married or in a long-term relationship, are you paying attention to the ways the comfortable groove the two of you developed might be deepening into a romantic rut? Whelp, if we’d like to rediscover some of the old tingle and tension, the first step is admitting that we’ve gotten a bit complacent. I polled a few of my married girlfriends and got their funny, honest confessions. Then I got us all some expert advice on how to bring back that spice:
6. “My code for ‘let’s have sex’ is ‘I took a shower.’ His code for ‘let’s have sex’ is ‘I picked up that wine that you like.’”
7. “Our texts went from ‘I just wanted you to know how much I love you’ to ‘I just wanted you to know how much toilet paper you go through in a week and you need to buy more.’”
8. “Sleep matters more to him than sex.”
9. “We once brought the kids to dinner with us on Valentine’s Day.”
10. “I used to wear cute pajamas, now I wear a raggedy T-shirt and holey sweats to bed.”
11. “I stepped out to shop the other day in jeans, athletic slides, a casual top and a scrunchie and he said ‘you clean up nice.’”
12. “It takes me three days to notice that he’s shaved his beard off.”
13. “We argue via text message — it allows space for cool heads to prevail, plus the kids don’t hear.”
14. “We both forget our anniversary date but know exactly who took the trash out last and whose turn it is now.”
15. “The dog sleeps between us all night long.”
16. “If I don’t order my own French fries, I no longer get to eat French fries.”
17. “I hide my pillow when I leave town because I no longer love his scent on my pillow.”
18. “He’s seen me exit the bathroom with cream bleach over each eyebrow looking like an Oompa Loompa, and he doesn’t bat an eye.”
19. “We went from taking couples-only vacations with our friends to separate girlfriends- and guys-only getaways.”
20. “We used to eat every dinner with the table nicely set. Now we are OK eating cereal for dinner in front of the TV.”
21. “I don't mind plucking hair off his face, or out of his nose or off his back. Sometimes in public.”
22. “I feel no need to sugarcoat the fact that his mom’s food is never seasoned right.”
23. “I’ve realized that we kind of look alike, sound alike, and even unintentionally dress alike. And it’s not cute!”
24. “I’ve become brutally honest about everything. I didn't get the ‘things you should never tell your spouse’ memo.”
25. “He knows about all my bodily functions and I (unfortunately) know about all of his. I think it's safe to say the honeymoon is over.”

Any of these sound familiar? Admittedly, in any committed relationship there’s always room for improvement, especially when it comes to intimacy and communication. But you two can be proud of the fact that your relationship is built to last. Yanni Brown, author of Making Love Better TwoGether - The Art of Intimacy, offers an easy way to bring novelty into your relationship. “Create a date-night box. You put in 12 things that you would love to do and your partner puts in 12 things that he or she would love to do,” she advises. “Now you have 24 amazing opportunities to do things that you wouldn’t ordinarily do. And whoever pulls the date night has to set the date, as well as plan it. It’s a great way to take us out of our comfort zone, try something different and create meaningful experiences.”

Want nine more proven ways to rekindle romance?
1. Compliment and affirm each other frequently and criticize less.
2. Make eye contact and touch each other when speaking.
3. Never miss a chance to kiss!
4. Invite your honey to join you in writing separate versions of your love story. Share them as a starting point to talk about your hopes and dreams for the future.
5. Sleep tight! Snuggle close in bed at night.
6. Have an adult playdate! Yes, we’re talking sex toys.
7. Enjoy “outercourse.” If sexual intercourse is difficult because of health or other reasons, don’t deny each other the pleasure of sexual touch.
8. Learn something new together. The stimulation you get in the classroom may carry over to the bedroom.
9. Enjoy the good times. Share photos of vacations, dates and other special memories from the early days of your romance. Don’t be surprised if you get the feels all over again!

More From This Week

As a 2010 census taker, I earned good money while helping my community claim resources and representation. You can, too. The 2020 census is hiring now.
By Alaya Linton
Getting baptized as an adult is an experience I’ll never forget.
By Apryl Motley
Get on board with an exciting travel trend: Ocean voyages created for us!
By Tracy E. Hopkins
They grow fast, leave dark spots and are generally frustrating, but you can beat back rogue facial whiskers with the right treatment.
By Janelle Harris Dixon
Enjoying lovemaking or self-pleasure can unlock your inner power, boost your confidence, lead to less burnout at work and more.
By Rebekah Sager

More From We Time

Close Video Modal
illustration of black couple sleeping
Nicole Miles