No Black Woman Needs Permission to Claim Stillness and Silence

I can relate to how trying to just manage it all harms health. Fifteen years into a career I love, my spirit was broken and my mind was fried. Coleading a major product launch, I began my workday at 3 a.m. and pushed on toward 5:30 p.m. Then, I labored lovingly to be present as a parent — along with my husband, whose critical job as a police detective is among the most demanding. Once our two little girls were tucked in, it was back at my laptop — at 9 p.m. I often worked until midnight.

Each day, though my soul felt crippled, I pushed through. In a vicious cycle, the more debilitated I became, the less entitled I felt to restorative time off. Instead of scheduling my personal sabbatical, an employee benefit that I’d finally earned after working for seven years, I read articles, books and devotions about how to tackle stress, reclaim joy and not give a [expletive]. It didn’t work.

At a breaking point, I stopped beginning my workdays at 3 a.m. I still awoke in the wee hours, with an urge to be productive. Instead, I just laid there. And I breathed. Sometimes slowly, sometimes anxiously. I’d finally found the off-switch for my compounding burnout. It was nothing more than stillness.

Rest is so much more than sleep

The Nap Ministry, founded by performance artist, activist, theologian and community healer Tricia Hersey, asserts that “rest is a form of resistance because it disrupts and pushes back against capitalism and white supremacy.” Rest is a right. It is necessary repair. It is a form of reparations. Rest is also both an act of self-love and a pathway to it. Getting quality sleep is a key part of that. But it’s not the whole picture, according to thought leaders in emotional wellness. Here are ways you can reclaim rest today:

Enlist others to take things off your plate. When I finally reduced my hours, my project didn’t topple like a Jenga tower. Its high value to the organization demanded that I get support. So I asked for it, and my managers encouraged me to hire help and delegate.

Check in with your body, not just with your calendar or spouse, before you RSVP. When we say “no thanks” to the overflow of events and commitments, we’re saying “yes” to our souls.

Consider which activities bring you into balance. Contrary to conventional beliefs, rest is highly active. Matthew Edlund, M.D., author of The Power of Rest, observes that a combination of (healthy) food, activity and rest (FAR) empowers us to shift toward wholeness. Can meal prepping salads support that balance? What about a daily 30-minute walk with our friends at Girl Trek?

Make time for a spiritual practice. Yours might be prayer, time in nature, listening to praise music or quiet contemplation. From the Loving Kindness Meditation: “May your life be filled with happiness, health and well-being.”

Our hearts open to bliss when we set aside time to quiet the mind. We hear the universe speak. We cultivate ease, joy and flow. Joy is merely light, in any form, at any moment. Reclaim your light, Sis.

And rest well, sister Naomi. We’re holding you in light.