Is there something that turned out better than you could have hoped for, even as you let go of the result and trusted the journey? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
“Nope. Never. Not going to happen. Impossible.”
Those were the words I used when I thought about my finances — specifically, about my chances of improving them. And for years, while I was thinking and saying those things, my situation remained in a dismal state. I just didn’t believe there was a way out of my financial mess — and that disbelief kept me stuck. It prevented me from taking any meaningful action toward changing my situation.
You see, I felt hopeless.
Hope is a word we casually toss around, just as we use the word ‘wish.’ I hope it doesn’t rain today. I hope you feel better. I hope they have a size 8 in those shoes.
But hope is not the same as wishing.
The true meaning of hope
Hope is defined as the expectation of a favorable outcome. Another way to put it is, hope is the belief in a better tomorrow. It sounds a lot like optimism, but it goes deeper.
Yes, hope involves having a positive outlook about the future, but it’s not just a vague, passive feel-good thought. Real hope is active. It’s backed by energy, intention and action.
“Hope is optimism with a plan,” says Dr. Jacqueline Mattis, psychology professor and dean of the School of Arts and Sciences at Rutgers University‐Newark, on the 10% Happier podcast. “You don’t just expect that things will work out in the future, but you also anticipate that there is a plan that will get you there — and you engage the plan in some way.”
The power of hope
The benefits of hopefulness are powerful: studies show that hopeful people are more resilient, enjoy better physical and mental health, feel more satisfied with life and may even live longer.
The best part? Hope is a skill you can build. If a longer, healthier and more joy-filled life sounds good to you (and who doesn’t want that?), these seven hope habits — and related action steps — will help ignite your sense of hope.
Hopeful people set goals and go after them. Part of believing that tomorrow can be better is taking action to make it so. Hopeful people don’t just wish for a better future — they set goals that light them up and take real steps toward them.
“To truly be hopeful, you have to have an end game,” Mattis says. “There’s something you have to be moving towards — some outcome that you have to hold as meaningful and as a final outcome. Remember that hope is optimism with a plan. The plan has to be leading you to something specific.”
Try this: Write down one goal — big or small—that would make your life feel more joyful or secure. Then jot down the first tiny action step you can take to move toward it. Action fuels hope.
Hopeful people focus on possibilities. It’s easy to get stuck on what’s not working in our current circumstances, just like I did with my finances. But hopeful people can observe their current (undesirable) situations and see past them at the same time.
“All of us have those moments where, against all odds, there’s something in you that tells you, This is not it for me,” Mattis says. Having this outlook means leaning into uncertainty to see your desired outcome and focusing on what you can control. “Hope isn’t a denial of what is, but a belief that the current situation is not all that can be,” says Dr. Thema Bryant, psychologist and minister, in a report from the American Psychological Association. “You can recognize something’s wrong, but also that it’s not the end of the story.
Try this: Next time you catch yourself thinking, “There’s nothing I can do,” pause and ask, “But what if there is?” Write down one thing you could try — you might be surprised what doors open up.
Hopeful people seek community. No woman is an island — especially when it comes to hope. The people you spend time with shape how you see yourself, your life and what’s possible. Hopeful people naturally seek out positive, growth-minded folks who lift them up. These connections become a safe place to learn, share, dream, grow and remain hopeful together.
“Being in community gives you access to people who can help to fuel a sense of what goals are possible and then help you fill in gaps when you’re trying to determine what the pathway is to those goals,” Mattis says. “Having people around you who can think creatively with you, especially when you’re exhausted, especially when you’re stressed or when you just don’t know what you can do to achieve those goals; having people around you to help fill those gaps is really important.”
Try this: Think about one person who inspires you or makes you feel more hopeful when you talk to them. Reach out. Send a text, set up a coffee date, or say, “I was thinking about you.” Hope grows in good company.
Hopeful people reflect. One of the common criticisms of hope is that it can be unrealistic — all fantasy, no foundation. And yes, false hope is a thing. But truly hopeful people aren’t walking around in denial. They do the opposite. They reflect. They assess. They look for proof.
Mattis says hopeful people actually read evidence, meaning they don’t expect a particular outcome unless they can look back at their own life — or someone else’s — and say, I’ve seen this done. That means it’s possible. It may not be easy, but it‘s feasible to get there.
Try this: Think of a goal or situation where you’re unsure if success is possible. Then do a quick “evidence scan”: Have you or someone you know overcome a similar challenge before? What worked for them? What might work for you? What strengths or lessons from your past could help you move forward? Hope isn’t blind — it’s informed. And reflection is the key that keeps it real.
Hopeful people know how to pivot. Having a high sense of hope won’t guarantee that everything will go as planned. People with a strong sense of hope understand that they’re likely to run into roadblocks on the way to their goals. However, instead of giving up, they remain flexible and adjust their course when necessary.
“Setting a goal doesn’t mean that the goal that you set at the beginning is the goal that you land on in the end,” Mattis says. “One of the things that is true of hopeful people is when the articulated plan doesn’t work out, you pivot and you try to make sure that you get to the heart of what it is you ultimately want.”
Try this: Think of a goal that hasn’t been moving forward. Step back and ask: “What am I really after here?” Then, give yourself permission to rewrite the plan. What’s one new or unexpected way you could move toward that deeper desire — even if it looks different from what you originally imagined?
Hopeful people practice gratitude. Hopeful people don’t pretend life is always easy, but they train themselves to notice what’s good, even when things feel heavy. Gratitude and hope go hand in hand.
“What you spend your time talking about is very much related to your ability to maintain that sense of hope,” Mattis says. Taking time to appreciate the small blessings reminds you that there is light, even on dark days. Whether it’s the sound of laughter, a good hair day or a gorgeous sunset, gratitude keeps you grounded in the present while still believing in a brighter future. It’s not about ignoring what’s hard; it’s about making room for what’s still good.
Try this: Keep a small notebook by your bed or use a note app on your phone. Every day, write down three things you’re thankful for — big or small. Over time, you’ll have proof that hope lives in the little things.
Hopeful people celebrate wins. Hopeful people don’t wait until they’ve reached the finish line to feel good; they celebrate the small victories along the way — even if things aren’t unfolding exactly as planned.
“Your wins may not be in the same context you’re hoping for, but it’s important to recognize that you’re already achieving some aspect of the goal that’s important to you,” says Mattis. By pausing to acknowledge what’s working, you build confidence and momentum to keep going. Small wins fuel big hope.
Try this: At the end of each week, write down one thing you did — no matter how small — that moved you forward. Then take a moment to celebrate it. Treat yourself to your favorite tea, share it with a friend or simply give yourself credit for showing up.
Putting hope into practice
One of the things I love most about hope is its power to turn the seemingly impossible into reality. When I changed the way I thought about my finances — and began putting these hopeful habits into action, such as setting clear goals, reflecting honestly and focusing on what was possible — I paid off $74,000 of debt in just two years. That journey wasn’t just financial; it was deeply rooted in hope.
“[Hope] is the bridge — the fuel — that gets you to the next good place,” Mattis says. So, get your hopes up, sis, one habit at a time. Whether your goal is to get out of debt, launch a business or simply feel more grounded, hope starts with identifying what matters and believing a better future is possible.
Is there something that turned out better than you could have hoped for, even as you let go of the result and trusted the journey? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
